A bunch of stuff beyond my control has come up, so my posts will be short, and perhaps sweet for a while. I’m having to be more hermit-like.
It’s a downer of a time, anyway. Horrible storms everywhere, people having accidents or injuries throughout my circle, friends and loved ones in mental pain.
Quite wavy, isn’t she?
I was glad to save this long rat snake from getting run over on Monday. I wasn’t so lucky today, when a roadrunner turned around and ran straight in front of my car. I said a big blessing.
My gardenia never looks good. This was a nice surprise.
At least when I got home to Austin, I had flowers to greet me. Flowers always help, as did hugs from Anita.
I was feeling pretty crummy today. I guess grief hit me hard.
This Horace’s duskywing butterfly reminds me of how things get better no matter how dark it is
I asked my Facebook community friends to share things that brought them joy recently, thinking it might help. I was smart. It did help. I highly recommend reaching out and asking for help when you need it. It will remind you that people ARE good.
If you’re my Facebook friend, check out my post asking for joyful moments. All the happy babies, cute pets, fun stories, and nature observations remind you of all the beauty and love around us.
Sample cute baby, the amazing Ripley, who is getting her first teeth
How I’m Doing
Grief is hard, even when you intellectually know all about how it works. I hadn’t cried in so long that I couldn’t recall the most recent time. So I’d forgotten how much it takes out of me.
Being on Prozac for the last couple of years has helped me a lot, but I can see how it’s separated me from expressing some emotions. They’re there, but not all on top of me. It helps me from drowning in my empathic tendencies. But yow! When something breaks through it has physical consequences!
This mystery plant never bloomed last year, but it came back! Plus, lots of basil is coming back from last year’s plants
I have had the strange headache I used to often get. It feels like something gently squeezing the sides of my head. And I forget to breathe and end up gasping. That’s annoying. My words don’t come out well and I have trouble swallowing. Ooh, and let’s not forget the chest pains, my old friends! At least the weird neck tingling that used to really bother me hasn’t kicked in.
So, those are all my anxiety symptoms I used to live with every single day. How did I manage? How do others manage? I sure feel sympathy for them. If you have anxiety and are functional, you have my admiration.
This gerbera daisy got knocked back hard in the cold winter. It looks like a new plant now! I will also recover
I’m guessing I’ll feel better soon. Grief is normal and can knock you down. Soon the grief will bloom into love and warm memories of our canine friend, Brody.
The photos are all of my plants that have resurrected themselves after the winter.
I actually thought squirrels had murdered this poor plant, or the cold had killed it begonias are hardy, like me, I think!
Still feeling numb about losing our Brody. To top that off, two chickens got killed over the weekend, the white one and the very perky little one who had only just started laying.
Before we lost Brody, we had all gone on a walk through the plants.
Tyler repaired the chicken coop and blocked the theoretical fox hole better than it was before. He also came up with a better door plan for the coop. I hope that works. I’m so tired of the life and death aspect of ranch life.
Life
There is always something to remind that life goes on. We did find a lovely nest next to our pond. We think it’s from a redwing blackbird family. Aww. No eggs.
Hidden Nest
As I was leaving for work and getting ready to pass where Brody died, I saw a whole family of killdeer run in front of me. So cute!
I’m taking a little blogging break, because I’m doing so many other things right now. Here are some things.
The Austin job is full to the brim with tasks. And random new ones keep popping up. Job security, I guess, but, gee, if someone wants you to do something that you thought was their area, a direct request would help. I’m whining.
Here, this rose should make me feel better.
Luckily I visited my kind therapist/shaman person who listens to me and helps me plan how to deal with my challenges. One of these days I’ll share my big one, but it’s not time yet. Just remember that no matter how cheerful people may act, they may be hiding heartbreak.
As of last night, my hair is a no longer blue. It’s a rather vibrant shade of pink, or fuschia as Anita prefers. I am currently still startling myself when I see my reflection in the mirror, so this one’s going to take a bit of getting used to. I chose pink because I ran out of the pale blue I wanted to use, and am almost out of extreme blue. Rather than buy anything new (I’m on a spending freeze), I figured I should use up what I have. Pink.
See, I’m smiling.
This is the pinkest it’s ever been, since the only other time I used the pink, the base was more purple and I got a nice violet. This is undeniably pink. I want to embrace it, however…
This is an experiment in live blogging. I wrote this all last night, and today I’m just adding links.
Well, Sara asked me and Anita to go with her to see a performance by a lovely young woman from New Zealand (among other places) who goes by the name of Emma G. She’s been following her for three or four years now. Doors open at 7! In East Austin. Dozen Street. Were we ready? Yes.
Anita’s shirt scared us.
Well, I’m an old hand at these places, since my son used to play at venues such as this back when he was in the indie rock bands. I knew the featured artist would not be on at 7, so we did not hurry to get there.
I’m jaded by Austin venues.
Thus, we had plenty of time to have an amazing dinner at Old Thousand. Yep. You should eat there. There were flavors and vegetables I’d never experienced in the many dishes we tried. Even Taiwanese people like the food! It’s Austin-y Chinese. We were not the oldest people in the room!
You can’t forget this peacock. It keeps Austin weird.
I thought maybe Dozen Street (named because it’s on 12th Street!) would be nicer than it was a couple years ago. Nope. But it is funky. Yes. And we ARE the oldest people here.
A couple of days ago, as thoughts were passing through my consciousness, it just popped up, “My favorite word is ‘friend.'”
Friend
You’ve got a …. making friends for the world to see … one is silver and the other gold
Huh. I wondered where the heck that thought came from, and the first thing that came to me was that every time I say that word, I feel warm inside. Just a little bit of peace falls across my soul when I think of “friend.”
Is it the meaning?
I considered first whether I like the word because friendship is important to me. Most of my life I’ve yearned for close friends. There have been many times when I didn’t have any, just acquaintances or people I talk to because we are in the same group or school. I function best with one or two good friends who I can tell anything to and not feel judged. I have that at the moment, so hooray! So, that’s one factor.
You haven’t seen much of me in a while, and probably won’t until Friday, unless I squeeze some “me time” in. My calendar looks pretty scary, even though the all-day training on Thursday doesn’t show up. The gap in the afternoon on Thursday is for me to drive to Cameron so I can do two MORE meetings.
Goodness, that’s not much time to rest.
I have been trying to remind myself where I am and what I’m doing by using some of my Starbucks mugs that say “Austin” on them. I hope that helps, at least a little.
I am HERE,
But, I have to say that my mind is as cluttered as my desk, as I think about the newsletter I have to put together for a nonprofit I help with, the Master Naturalist presentation I need to finish putting together, and all those t-shirts I’m supposed to make into tote bags. I regret taking last weekend off to watch the rain!
I do like my keyboard, other than the broken “n” key, which I will blame all my typos for.
Hey, have a good rest of YOUR week folks. I will take some time to read other people’s blogs, and I hope to have a book report for you by the end of the week on a book that combines fiction with naturalists!
Well, shoot, just when I was really getting into long walks and frolicking amid the wildflowers, a late cold front has driven me indoors. Yesterday, we hosted an event at 11 am at our office. The front showed up right as all the attendees were coming in or trying to find us. A big wind and brief rain surprised everyone, and blew away my meeting signs. March decided not to go out like a lamb after all!
We have a patch of pink evening primrose that is nearly white. It’s striking against the green grass.
But, I did get a lot of flower-viewing, pet walking, and iNaturalist uploading done before the front! It’s a great year for flowers, thanks to the winter rains, so I know I’ll be out finding more to share soon.
Yellow Flowers
The wild and crazy collard green in bloom.
Here’s something I’ve been grappling with lately. Many of the flowers that are blooming right now are yellow. They’re just beautiful, but when I try to photograph them, they are all washed out, making it hard to see details. Luckily, the collard greens I let go to seed (I ate off this ONE plant all winter) look pretty good. Perhaps the blue sky helped.
Poor little glowing flower.
But this ragwort, like many other yellow ones I’ve photographed, looks like a bright blur. I have tried adjusting the color on my phone, but no luck. Suggestions? Get a real camera! Yes, I know.
Just a giant dog, making ripples in the pond!
I’m looking forward to warmer weather soon. I know the dogs are, too. Alfred had a fine time yachting around in the pond on Friday, but I don’t think he’ll try today!
Take care, friends, and don’t forget to like, share, and comment!
Once again, I’ve over-volunteered, but I’m okay with it.
Dog Love
Last night I went to an organizatioinal meeting where a group of local animal lovers got together to figure out ways that we can support animals in need in Milam County. You may recall that almost a year ago I adopted our precious blue-eyed boy, Carlton, from the Cameron Pound, and while their staff is doing all they can to protect the lost/mistreated dogs in the city, we know there’s a wider need throughout the county.
Jean Schara tells us about the work she’s been doing to organize an animal support group in this area.
A few hard-working people took the initiative to look into forming a nonprofit organization to support all county-wide efforts to help animals, which led to the meeting. Jean Schara, who led the meeting, is a knowledgeable and organized person with a good head on her shoulders, which led me to agree to volunteer to serve on the board with her and four other energetic people.
Look forward to more on this organization when we have more to tell!
Activism Love
I also volunteered to host a group watching the campaign launch of a national political candidate. That’s brave in these days and times, I think. We had a lot of fun, though, and made new friends. My main triumph was managing to get the projector to work AND scanning the sign-in sheets to send off. At least so far, this former techie still has her skills.
LLLove
I hope I don’t screw this up. I’ve already delayed getting in touch with people who said they’d help me out! But I can do it!
Third, I’ve been working on a website and newsletter for the Friends of La Leche League, which is a group of people who want to support that organization. It’s nice, because those of us who went through some hard times there can get back together with friends and remember why we joined in the first place: to support each other on our parenting journeys. It’s been healing for me, so if you are one of my LLL friends from the past, please consider joining us.
Of course I still have my work for the Earth Day event for the Master Naturalists to get done, so I have a full volunteer plate!
The Hermits' Rest 