daily life – Page 48 – The Hermits' Rest

What’s Wrong with Normal?

Today was a normal day. Nothing stressful other than software glitches, and repeatedly sending out the wrong minutes for a meeting, today was low key and calm. I love calm. I got all my to-do items done. I’m cooking dinner. Ahh.

I got to spend quality time with all the horses in the calmest possible way as they got their feet trimmed. So much time spent petting soft noses. Ahh. I love farrier day.

I’m not sure what I think about it, but Drew’s new fancy bit arrived today. I believe we don’t use the chain part. It’s just like the one he already uses at Tarrin’s. Who knows if I’ll master it or not, since Apache is bitless and likes it.

I got to enjoy the cranes flying by. These must be stragglers. Never a bad day if you see them! And I’m hearing all the winter birds in the woods. That’s the best part of winter!

And finally, my day was made by the arrival of a nail polish strip box. It was all gold and black, with art deco accents. I gave no idea why I’ve always loved nail polish, unless it’s just that it reminds me of my mom. My one ultra-feminine affectation, I guess. (Shut up, people who know me, don’t tell the readers about all my shoes and turquoise jewelry; guess I’m more femme than I think.)

Happy Tuesday. There’s nothing wrong about normal at all!

Work Can Be Fun?

Sure! Why not? This week I’ve really been enjoying my job. Probably kicking the adenovirus out the door helped me concentrate. The lack of headache was also good.

And this buddy hasn’t sprayed in a day or two. That’s good, because he or she lives under the shipping container, right next to the horses.

But I’m positive that a couple of factors made the week good, even though it’s been a long one.

I’ve learned stuff. I did a workshop by my old company that was on a new topic to me. I had a blast! And today I helped some folks figure out how to support their scrum teams. We were all impressed with ourselves.

I’ve also felt useful. That makes work fun! I helped train people in various software scenarios. It felt good to help. Laughing and supportive comments added to my good feelings.

I had good breaks. Calves make good break buddies.

I was challenged. I was asked to figure some new things out, plus I was asked to contribute ideas for new software features. I’ve missed this from my previous job, so I was probably too excited to make my contributions. On the other hand, I’ve led discussions where I wished people had contributed more. I hope I and the others who had great ideas made the people looking for ideas happy!

I don’t know what makes other people happy at work, but that’s what works for me. Fulfilling work makes life so much better. I’m lucky. Now I’ll try make someone else’s job fun and try to pass it on to others!

I Can Print, That’s Something

I haven’t been posting much, because it gets boring to say, “I feel crummy,” every day. But, I feel crummy still. Whatever this virus is, it’s tenacious. Now that my course of antibiotics is over, I figure things will devolve into a sinus or lung infection. But I’m telling my body it’s gonna GET WELL, in the hopes that positive thinking makes a difference.

It was cool this afternoon that the line of clouds looked like snow-covered mountains. I felt like I was visiting Colorado again, even though I didn’t get to go this year.

The good news is that Lee ordered a new printer for himself, because his kept dying once it went into its sleep cycle. Why is that good? I got his old printer, that’s why, and it’s a nice one, other than that flaw. Since I don’t need to print very often, I’m fine just turning the thing on when I need it, so the sleep cycle won’t be a problem. I can now print my own knitting instructions and maps of horse obstacle courses!

When not in use, the printer serves as a lovely stand for my sticker-heavy bullet journal, which I’m happy to say is big enough to fill a whole year! I have next year’s ready to go, too. Note that I am so sick that I managed to misspell December, in pen. Sheesh.

That makes me feel so darned independent. I used to have to email things to Lee and hope he eventually opened his email and saw my request. Now, boom, it’s almost instant. I can also scan photos or make copies. Wow. I’ve joined the twentieth century, only a couple of decades too late.

That’s about it from here. I’ll go use some more tissues now.

We Interrupt This Scenic Beauty…

…with a whine

The height of “fall color” has arrived, and I’m really enjoying looking at it.

But oh my goodness, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! How long can a cold last, anyway? How much mucous can one nasal cavity hold? I guess I am going to find out, because I feel just awful, still.

I had 5 straight hours of meetings this morning, many of which required speaking and acting intelligent. That was no easy task. And before the weather gets bad again, I want to ride Apache and Drew. But I feel like crap.

I got to wondering if maybe this is more than a cold, so I took yet another COVID test, but it just mocked me.

I had been thinking COVID because I am tired and if I exercise a lot, it’s hard to breathe. But hey, a cold will do that, too. Or maybe the flu tests missed some kind of flu and I have that. All I know is I’m almost finished with antibiotics, which means I’ll probably get a sinus infection next. (Yes, I take probiotics.)

That brush pile may be ugly, but it houses a lot of white-crowned sparrows!

Anyway, that’s my whine. I am tired of being sick, even if I’m a Bad Ass, according to my coworker who sent a mug just like hers. That was a kind gesture, wasn’t it? And yes, I look like I feel. Crappy.

One more meeting and I can collapse.

Seasonal Greetings

Yesterday was US Thanksgiving. I didn’t blog, because, thanks to still being sick, all my energy was taken up with cooking. I’m glad to report, that with some help and good cheer, the meal came out great and everyone in our little ranch community had fun.

Lee could not help, as he had a giant dog on his lap. (Joke)

It rained all day again. We aren’t getting much each day, but it’s helping. Between the dismal weather and my throbbing sinuses, I didn’t want to be out much, anyway.

Today I’ve felt a little better, so I went to the Red House to remove fall decor and make it look Christmas-like, since that’s the thing people do nowadays. I discovered the new wardrobe had arrived for the second bedroom. It’s rather large. Some rearranging will be needed.

I put it sideways but need help lifting the rug

There are now king sized pillows on the big bed, too, though I need to exchange one of the shams’ pillow for the new ones. New ones are pretty lumpy and would be better for shams, but I got too tired to switch them out. Darned cold. In fact, I fell asleep after writing the previous sentence. I’m tired

Otherwise it’s looking subtly like winter holidays are coming. Or perhaps it’s kitschy. I did my best. Maybe we have a guest this weekend. Still wanting a couple of “test guests” before going all out.

I also got a couple of baskets and decor items.

So far, the best suggestion I’ve gotten is to leave a few books out. That’s a good idea. I can leave some of the novels I’ve read and a couple of Texas books.

Time to go home and rest and drink plenty of fluids. I’m thankful for you readers and friends. You make my life richer.

Penney Goes Ballistic When I Sneeze

Here’s a new development! As you may know, I’ve been sick for a few days. That’s made me a bit sneezy. (The strep throat is way better but it’s pretty obvious I have come down the the common cold, a thing I haven’t had in a long time!) The dogs have been taking good care of me, and I appreciate it!

However, just recently, I’ve noticed the strangest behavior in Penney the Neurotic Bitch (she’s a female dog). If I sneeze she goes into panic mode, running around and whining then literally leaping into my lap.

Now, if she just jumped into my lap, it would be fine. But no, she climbs up my torso and glues herself to me, shuddering, whimpering, and worst of all, licking any skin she can get to. It’s like having a licking tornado in your lap.

And there’s the pawing, too. She scratches my delicate old-lady face.

Once she’s up there wriggling and writhing and pawing and licking, it takes forever to calm her down. It’s gotten to where I run into the bathroom or somewhere safe when I think I’m going to sneeze, to avoid the onslaught.

I think she thinks I’m hurt? Or the sound scares her worse than even thunder? She doesn’t go into a panic when I cough or blow my nose (my current secondary pastimes after typing and crocheting). I’d love to hear your theories on this! In the meantime, no sneezing for me!

Oh, Germs

My strep symptoms are NOT going away as fast as I’d like. Oh well, it rained off and on all day again, so I couldn’t have done much other than work, anyway. At least I didn’t have to talk much.

Since I took no pictures today, let’s play spot the snapping turtle from last week.

Other than thinking about project lifecycles all day, the highlights of my day were finding some snow geese in the sky and having a good talk with my dear friend, Mike. He reminded me once again that he will listen to me. Of course, when I’m all overwhelmed with negativity, I never remember to call my support network. Maybe my first tattoo should say

Remember your true friends

Tomorrow should be a good day with sun and true friends and horses. Come on, antibiotics, kick in! Back to Starburst: the blanket.

Hello from Strep Land

No wonder I feel bad! Lee took me to a very nice urgent care place in Temple where I told them I was pretty sure I had strep, but to check for other stuff, so they did. I don’t feel like I have the flu (that I can remember since I haven’t had it since flu shots were invented).

There’s always plenty of crafting to do while waiting one’s turn in the car. I ain’t going near sick people if I can help it. And of course I masked to keep my germs to myself.

Yep. I have strep, which I’m pretty sure I made myself vulnerable to when my mental health drained me. At least it’s something you can get fixed. So good ole Penicillin is fighting the bacteria. Whee. And today I’ve rested rather than running around in the rain and cold all day like yesterday.

I want to be better so I can work with Drew a lot. Poor guy probably wonders what’s going on.

Huh? Who’s gonna feed us? Suna has no backup. (Answer: eat that hay)

Luckily, Lee has been feeding me, and I’ve been cozily watching football and getting Thanksgiving nails. I probably needed a break, anyway.

I bet I’ll be fine tomorrow and able to work and do my chores. There’s a lot of poop to shovel from when the horses escaped.

Thanks to all for your incredible support and kindness over the past few days. It’s helping me get back on track! I know some of you are also struggling and want you to know I’m thinking of you, too.

Clever Equines (and Saddle Stuff)

Hey all – thanks for all the support from yesterday’s post. I sure appreciate the empathy and ideas. You all rock.

Today it’s rainy and cold PLUS both Lee and I seem to have come down with something. I haven’t been sick since LONG before COVID, so this is a surprise. It feels like strep throat (isn’t COVID, says my test), but of course it came on after the local clinic closed for the weekend. We did go out for a very nice dinner Thursday night in the “big city” of College Station, so maybe we ran into a germ there.

The original plan for today was to have horse lessons for both my guys then take Drew back home so it could be another horse’s turn to go into training. Instead, things took a different turn. I went out to feed the chickens a bit late, due to the sore throat, only to see a whole lot of horse poop everywhere that isn’t fenced in for the dogs. Then I heard a greeting nicker. Mabel was saying hi from the little pond.

Well, hi, Suna. It’s a bit chilly out here.

That explained the horse poop. I went to check the gates and was a little startled to see someone blending into the front-end loader.

Yes, the side gate had been opened by some clever equine. I was relieved to see the equine I usually blame for these things (Apache) and Fiona standing under the shed to keep out of the wind. Whew. I only had to wrangle two horses in my sickly state. Even better, Dusty and Mabel had decided it was too cold for them and were already coming back.

That grass was good, but we want shelter.

That was the easiest horse herding I ever had to do. They just walked back in. From the looks of the poop piles, they’d been out all night and were done. Of course, they pooped right by the tack room, in front of the hen house, etc.

Lee and I then hurried over to Tarrin’s to get Drew, but it had started to rain there by the time we arrived. There was no chit-chat or ceremony as we let him in and headed back. They got more rain than us, at least so far. But my boy is home and got the expected greeting of sniffs from everyone but Apache, who had to remind him he’s in charge. Apache needs a new boss.

About the new saddle

I got more questions than I expected about the new saddle I got for Drew. The reason I got a new one when I already had a fairly new one is that we are concerned about keeping Drew’s back healthy. Because he was ridden by large people when he was very young, he has already developed some arthritic areas. He also has a narrow torso and short back (basically, he’s a small horse). So, a standard saddle probably isn’t best for him.

Tarrin recommended a type of saddle made by DP Saddlery in Alabama that is good for both short-backed horses and those with back issues. The cool thing about their Quantum line is that it is a blend of the two most common ways of building saddles. It’s like the best of both worlds. It also comes in lots of different sizes to fit different horses and riders, so I could get one with shorter stirrups and the correct seat for my size.

My black saddle with short fenders covered in flowers.

So, there are lots of kinds of saddles, but in the US, most are either Western or English style (there are Australian ones, side saddles, and such, but these are the main two). A Western saddle is, generally speaking, built on a rigid and sturdy wooden frame called a tree, which is then covered with padding and leather. They usually have a saddle horn to stick your rope on, longer stirrups, and more covering of the horse. There are many variations, depending on what you do with your horse (roping, barrel racing, general ranch work, etc.) but they look similar. They are tough!

Parts of a Western saddle, from Horse is Love. See the link for more info. My saddle lacks the back housing and the rigging dees.

And English saddle is smaller than a Western one and built on a flexible tree with a lot of padding (flocking). It doesn’t have the saddle horn or the long stirrups. It’s used for jumping, dressage, and many other activities.

The parts of an English saddle, from Horse is Love (follow the link for more info)

My saddle (as well as the first one I had) is a hybrid between the two types. It’s their Quantum model (the link explains all the features, so I’m not gonna do it here). The top has all the expected appearance of a Western saddle, including decorative tooling on the leather, a horn, and a padded seat (mine is called a Western dressage seat). The underparts are English, though, and it’s fastened on with an English cinch instead of a Western one (uses buckles). I could have gotten a similar model with Western rigging (as they call it) but that one was sold and the one I bought was the closest to my ideal that I could get without special ordering, which would take months.

A Western saddle would have leather under the seat, not the pads you see here.

This hybrid saddle doesn’t touch the spine of the horse at all, and has padding where it does touch. Plus, it comes with a giant allen wrench that lets you make the saddle wider or more narrow.

The magic tool came with no instructions. Geez.

Tarrin adjusted it a few times yesterday to find what works best. As it gets broken in, it can be adjusted more, too. That is a very cool feature.

That silver circular hole on the right is where the adjustments are made.

Combined with the new dark gray saddle pad I got, Drew should feel as comfortable as possible, given that he’ll still have a big ole person up there.

Here’s the saddle, the new pad, and my old cinch that happens to work, but is slightly large.

I better like this saddle. It’s an investment, but if it saves future doctor bills, it may pay for itself!

Since I feel so sick, I think I’m going to go read all about saddles at the links below. You can, too, if it’s remotely interesting to you.

References

DP Saddlery – this page tells you how the saddle I got adjusts.

THE 8 PARTS OF A WESTERN SADDLE YOU SHOULD KNOW, Horseislove blog. This is really informative! It shows you how the trees work and how saddles are constructed.

THE 15 PARTS OF ENGLISH SADDLE YOU SHOULD KNOW, Horseislove blog. Also tells you all you need to know!

Dealing with People Like Me

Advice for me, too

For the first time in a few years, I didn’t blog for a while. I’m not back because people were clamoring for me to write (in fact, no one said anything at all about it, which is perfectly fine). I’m back because I figured out some stuff about my mental challenges that I thought might be helpful for others. What prompted it was a lot of introspection I did after seeing some of these motivational posts in social media.

My mental issues tell me that no one wants to see the unmuted version of me. It’s been backed up all my life by folks telling me I’m too sensitive, too judgmental, too negative, too…blah blah blah. And thanks to having this extra-unpleasant “rejection sensitivity dysphoria” (RSD) deal, when I hear something that sounds to my extra-sensitive ears like a criticism or put-down, my limbic system kicks in and goes into defensive mode. That guarantees I’m going to overreact and piss someone off. Nope, no one really does want to see the unmuted version of me! Consequently, I do try to make myself smaller, to avoid subjecting other people to my unregulated self.

Break!

And this week, after being told how negative I was, I fell into a deep well of self-criticism. And when I asked for help and support, I felt criticized for not asking for it appropriately, and was informed that when people tried to help me, it made it worse. You can see how a downward spiral might ensue, even when I knew in my head that I was being criticized for basically being who I am, which I can’t change as much as I’d like to. Being told not to react to things that trigger me the way I do is like telling a tree not to have bark. Well, yuck to all that, right? (Note that I know the person I was talking to was not intending to be mean. This is just an example.)

So, I was wondering how I could have the reactions in my head that my mental challenge makes me have but mitigate it somehow. One thing I thought of was for people who are forced to talk to me when I have an RSD episode to not add criticism about my reaction on top of my reaction. For example, if I react to something by hearing in my mind that I’ve been told I’m the most negative person in the world, an unhelpful response would be, “No, I just said you were ONE OF the most negative people I know.” Yep, my mind heard an exaggerated view all right, but pointing out that I heard it wrong just makes me feel worse.

I wonder what would happen if the response was empathy rather than added criticism? What if my reaction was acknowledged, but not critiqued? I was thinking something like, “I know what I just said was hard for you to hear. Just remember I care about you, warts and all. Let’s look at what I was trying to tell you, not how it came across.” I feel like that would give me a chance to get past that initial reaction and be more realistic. Who knows?

Break

I have to acknowledge, though, that just like I have no control over reactions that aren’t conscious, other people can’t, either. That’s how people end up where they each build on each other’s issues until there’s some bad result. Talking to each other and trying to understand each other’s struggles is a good way to start, though.

I’ll keep working at it, but no, I don’t think I’ll be subjecting my unmuted self to many of the people in my life. It’s just too much for them, and I honestly don’t blame them one bit. Some people are hard to deal with, and I am one of those. That’s something I have to deal with!

(By the way, in my mind, I’m a cheerful person who laughs and jokes around a lot and has a lot of fun – I wish I could expose THAT version of me!)

It’s not necessary to try to make people you are fond of like you back!

In my heart, I know that the work I’ve done here at the ranch has been good for me. I’ve felt much better about myself as I’ve been finding the beauty in my surroundings, treasuring kindnesses I experience, and working to be as kind and caring as someone like me can be. And of course, hanging around with animals who help me so much has made life much better.

A dog this happy has to cheer you up (one of Tarrin’s many sweet canines)

The main reason I write this blog is to have a record of the good things that come through my life, like the nature, the travel, the uplifting people, and the things I learn. It may just be me talking to myself and trying to convince myself that there’s good in this messy world, but it helps. So, I’ll still be here blogging about horses, dogs, birds, and flowers.

Here I am, looking happy because I’m able to ride Drew and he likes his new saddle and pad.

You get to react to what I write however you choose to. I’m fine with that. I’m prickly, so I’m going to rub folks the wrong way, make poor word choices, and look at things from my RSD perspective sometimes. Oh well, it’s me. Who among us isn’t prickly in some way?