It was quite cold and very windy today, the opposite of yesterday. My mood matched. News of mass shootings here and in Australia left a chill in my bones. This hateful behavior will never stop affecting me, and it’s baffling how many people act like it’s just a part of everyday life. I just keep thinking of the flickering but persistent light of hope, appropriate on the first night of Hanukkah.
It’s also the anniversary of my mother’s death, so long ago. Still in my darkest moments I want to call out for my mom. I’m certain I’m not alone in that.
In the unpleasant weather, the guys quickly finished the new chicken run, at least enough to use. I’ll see if they dare go out in it tomorrow. It’s supposed to be cold again, but sunny.
It’s just some chicken wire, easily moved.
Not just my fowl like the hen house when it’s cold. They are joined by many annoying house sparrows who like the heat lamp. I sure hope they don’t have any bird diseases. I can’t keep them out.
We get cold.
But there’s a little good news. The Cochins have started laying again. They sure choose strange times to go into production.
I don’t know what to do or say or think about the divided society I live in. I’ve been trying to hold it together and feeling isolated and more and more defeated. I had such bad nightmares last night that I knocked a glass of water over. What a mess. Things are a mess.
Hint about why I’m sad. I love children.
I know I’m not alone. I am grateful for a supportive network of friends. I’m grateful for people with different perspectives who are willing to talk to me. But there’s so little I can do to help make a safer society (where we don’t worry about all the things we’re concerned about from all sides). The Texas Legislature has no interest in my thoughts. I’m not a huge lobby.
Just a coincidence, I’m told.
I think all the people I know feel powerless, like someone else is making decisions. We just blame different factions. Everyone is frustrated. The world feels like a scary pile of poop. I can’t change that. Even venting among friends only goes so far.
I wish I could just be a bird, or a scarlet pimpernel.
So, I clean things. Poopy things. Thankfully, a vacuum cleaner for the RV arrived. I took out my frustrations on mouse turds. (And dirt; there were only a few turds.)
Clean and ready to go.
That helped. But I needed to clean more. So I shoveled all the horse poop out of the trailer. I hope that doesn’t make me sick. It did involve hay, after all.
I didn’t have to clean the shed. Someone had already weed-eated what the horses had missed. My tack room helps me feel better.
I wasn’t done cleaning. The tack room doesn’t have much of a mouse problem right now, but there are “fly specks” on my stuff. Or were. I cleaned all that, too. Then I got out my good old buddy the label maker!
The bull needs his own bin label.
I have some new horse supplements and will need feeding help soon, so new labels had to be made. I felt so organized and productive. And I’m control. At least I can control my dang horse stuff, and I even feel safe in my little room.
Labels and more labels.
I actually do feel a little better just by making my little part of the world cleaner and happier. And I guess that’s the lesson I needed to remind myself of. I can do what I can do. I can clean things (no wonder I like grooming the horses).
These guys helped by picking up hoof trimmings.
And now I can think about ways to help others. I’ve send some funds to recent tornado victims. I can contribute to organizations I agree with, and I CAN contact elected officials and remind them they’re human and are supposed to serve humans, not institutions. I guess.
The Hermits' Rest 