funerals – The Hermits' Rest

First, I just can’t answer the boring Bloganuary question today, so I’ll just have to give up on that challenge. I will, of course, blog every day this month, as usual.

Or I can just put up photos of my nails every day. That would drive the readers away!

Now that it’s dealt with, I can talk about why I’m in scenic Little Rock, Arkansas. My friend, Barbara (yes, the Barbara of the comments section), lost her husband recently. We have been friends for a long time, and she was one of the best listeners ever when I was having issues with my work in La Leche League. We’ve been email friends since around 1995, so there have been a lot of memories, stories, confidences, and kindnesses between the two of us. I felt that it was important that someone come to her husband’s service just to be there for her, and her alone (and to represent our group of close friends from our years as LLL administrators).

I hadn’t seen Barbara in a very long time. It sure was good to be there today. What a hard day in anyone’s life.

So, this morning I put on some somber clothes and headed to downtown Little Rock for Gene’s service. The church is very cool. I’ve been hearing about it for years, so I was uncharacteristically (for me) excited to actually see it. What a cool old building it is, and how welcoming they’ve made it for everyone. No wonder Gene, not a religious person, was fine being memorialized here.

I enjoyed talking to people at the pre-service reception and finding out more about Barbara’s kids (not much younger than me, so not really kids) and grandkids, and hearing good stories. I got to chat about knitting, listen to conversations about Gene’s work with the Humane Society here, and lots more. And on an interesting side note, people here still wear black to funerals, unlike in Texas where they wear anything that’s not jeans and a t-shirt.

So many activists were there. I’d be pretty comfortable here if I were more Christian.

The service itself was very simple and well planned. Barbara and her family did a great job on it. There were really cool hymns, after some improvisational music before the service by a talented pianist. But the very best part was the “Stories” section, in which people from all areas of Gene’s life spoke (he was a law professor, fiction writer, dog lover, veteran…etc.). Everyone was so good at speaking, especially Barbara’s sons, who she has to be very proud of. It’s so nice to hear people who know how to work a room give a heartfelt talk. Ah, smart people. Former colleagues, former students, fellow writers…dog people, all talked. It reminded me of my dad’s service, where you could get to know the person by just listening to the stories. I honestly think everyone felt like they got a hug and new memories to cherish in Gene’s absence.

My favorite part was when I really wanted to clap after one son’s story, and I was really glad when people did so. How often does THAT happen? I just smiled through the whole event and thought how lucky Barbara is to have such a warm community around her.

There was a cool set of woven pieces that represented the four seasons

Afterwards, I was invited to lunch with the family and close friends, which led to much lively discussion. But by the time that was over, my introversion kicked in and I went to a park. I didn’t get to see birds or many plants, but it was still nice to get out in nature, though of course it was STILL raining. Whoa am I ready for some sunshine.

The sun did finally come out a little around sunset, and I got to enjoy some fast-moving and interesting clouds out the hotel window.

I’m glad I came to support Barbara and hug her for all the rest of our friends. It’s worth doing if you possibly can. I know it meant a LOT to me when my friend Vicki came for my dad’s funeral, just for me. Since then, I’ve tried to repay that kindness by being there for others.

Think of me driving 6.5 hours tomorrow. I hope it’s more clear (and that it is clearer at home so I can groom the horses).

I didn’t write a blog yesterday, because as hard as I tried to distract myself, I just pondered and pondered the highs and lows of life. It started because the morning was spent at the funeral service for a friend’s husband, who died at 86. It was a surprise to all, since he’d planned to do stuff that day and was also planning to live to be 100.

Not a native plant here, but I still love the red yucca.

I’m glad so many members of our extended community were there to support my friend, because it’s always hard when your life’s story takes a hard turn into a new direction. And that’s what got me thinking of how many others I know who’ve recently lost their partners and how long it takes to get back into a groove again while dealing with a big hole in their lives.

Life is short, but new life is all around. Look, a skipper caterpillar is emerging!

It seems to me that sometimes it’s hard for folks to go out and have fun again. I know many are helped by sharing memories and talking about how much the departed loved one would love to see them doing well. As the minister hinted at the funeral, you’ve not really lost your partner, just physically separated. I could see how the Christian beliefs of my friend and her family were comforting in that respect.

I’m comforted by my experiences that thanks to memories, I feel the presence of my loved ones, like my dad, especially. I always find myself “telling” him things.

Dad also liked moss roses and disliked annoying nutsedge.

Anyway, to take my mind our of thinking about how lives change suddenly, I convinced Lee to take me to lunch at a fun place we’d never eaten at before, the Oscar Store, which is the only thing in Oscar, a settlement just outside of Temple, Texas. We drive by it often, because it’s on our favorite shortcut to Tractor Supply and Lowe’s.

It’s really cute inside and outside of the restaurant, and the food is great. I had liver and onions with fantastic lima beans and fried okra. Yes, lima beans. They were in a yummy sauce. I was full well past dinner time from that! Lee had a beautiful cheeseburger.

After the fine lunch we went to look at outdoor furniture at Lowe’s, because we need stuff that’s heavier and won’t blow into the pool repeatedly. The stuff we replace can go on the back porch at the Red House, since we don’t have stairs there yet.

So, that helped. But, I still sorta dwelt on things the whole day. What else helped was that I spent much of my pondering time listening to birds, of which I keep identifying more and more. Plus, I got to plant the flowers I showed you above. I finally found portulaca or moss roses so I could plant them by the pool.

These will grow and grow, blooming until there’s a hard frost.

That overheated me like crazy, so I had to jump in the pool, even though it has a lot of grass in it from the mower going the wrong way by it, and there were also flying ants. Yuck. But the water was refreshing!

Time with the horses also helped, of course, They are doing darned well, and yesterday I even figured out that Apache had to pee and moved off his kidneys for ease of pee. He was full of opinions and also informed me when it was time to stop riding. He makes me laugh. Drew is way more cooperative, though he was really muddy this morning!

The rest of the weekend is for relaxing. I bought a whole bunch of stuff to make sandwiches for Sunday Dinner. The things I’ll do so I don’t have to cook…the sandwich ingredients probably cost more than making something to cook.

Nothing’s wrong with pondering your and your loved ones’ mortality occasionally. It helps you remember to treasure every single day.

Post Categories

Tag: funerals

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