The Hermits' Rest

Helpful Little Mantras

Do you have little things you tell yourself whenever the things people do totally baffle you? I was just thinking today how many of those I have been accumulating on my journey not to take on other people’s issues, burdens, or problems. I’m sure you’ve heard this one:

Not my circus, not my monkeys

Lately there have been a lot of tempests in teapots, snits, disagreements, and misunderstandings in the Greater Sunaverse. I realize that much, if not most, of the time the issues are caused by something I didn’t have anything to do with in the first place, that my opinion isn’t really needed on, and that my contributions could only make worse. Especially when you’re trying to do something nice for people and they question your motives, your execution, and the amount of f***s you have to give about it…it’s time to let someone who is actually involved and cares deal with it.

Here’s one my therapist came up with for me to use when people start to get on my nerves or engage in repeated behaviors that annoy me and are not helpful.

That’s just Suna being Suna

Substitute whoever is bugging you for “Suna,” or if it’s me, keep the Suna. If you know Person X is always going to be late for every meeting, is always going to tell long stories with no point, or have a negative comment for any fun idea, you can’t really expect them to suddenly turn into someone else and not do that, can you? No, you can’t. So, you take a deep breath and remind yourself that they are just being themselves. You then hope other people do the same for YOU.

I think I’ll take a walk

I think the tail flip is important on this one. With the extra stressful times we are all in these days, you really need to get away and ground yourself sometimes. I’m pretty sure every member of my family has said this at one point or another in the past few months, and I don’t blame them at all! Reminding yourself to go out in the fresh air, breathe, and do something rhythmic like walking is the best medicine you can prescribe for yourself.

Everyone is struggling right now

This is the big one. Whenever someone snaps at me, is rude, says something out of character, etc., I realize that they are not at their best, and remind myself that we are all struggling. Every single one of us. And some of us are having the hardest times of our lives. I’m trying very hard to assume people mean well and are trying their best to do the right thing. And I’m still sending out all that lovingkindness, just assuming people are praying right back at me.

Whoa, do I wish I could get a bit more of that back in return. Thanks to all of you who have your own little mantras to repeat when you’re getting bugged, so maybe YOU won’t snap, be rude, or speak out of character…as much. Heck, we’re all doing it some.

Feel free to share your mantras!

A Date with Nature and Livestock

Nature’s creatures have nothing to do with human organizations, judgmental humans, or unnecessary drama. Their drama is, at least, necessary. So I dumped social media and went outside on this nice day.

Half the day I added to my collection of observations for our Master Naturalist group’s summer bioblitz. I missed the spring one by being in North Carolina, so I wanted to make up for it. Here, enjoy some things I found:

The rest of the time, I hung out with my animal friends. I’m sure if I had grandchildren I would not take so many pictures of animals.

The chickens love to dust bathe in the sand.

Enjoy what really matters in life and let other stuff go. You’ll be healthier!

Two Good Horse Days

Though it’s been a little chaotic behind the scenes here, there’s a definite bright spot for me, and its name is Apache.

I’ve been listening to the things my trainer says and reading her stuff, and I’ve gotten a lot of insight from another horse person, Warwick Schiller, who stresses the importance of your relationship with your horse. He often talks about building the relationship on the ground first.

I finally got the schooling circle built so I could practice my Apache homework. I got these little cones, then realized I had bought some old ones from Lakota’s owner. Sara gave me some good advice on cobbling my circle together, and it came out good. Plus, it’s easy to move or put away, like when the wind kicks up.

I figured since my next lesson isn’t for a while I could spend a few days just working on connecting on the ground. Now that I have guidance on keeping him paying attention to me in the round pen, we are progressing well. We both have fun. He really likes following me around the pen wherever I go (with no lead).

But the best part comes when we go out. He has been walking beside me in that “partner” way. He walks beside me politely and doesn’t bump me. He doesn’t veer off to grab grass or be squirrelly. Nope. He only tried to eat grass ONCE yesterday and once today.

It’s been totally stress free. If he starts to rush, I just stop. Neither of us got worked up. Once he tensed up, and we just waited. We walked all the way down the driveway and around that circle in and out. His head was down and relaxed, he snorted, and he had a nice time. So did I. This stuff is working. I’m pleased. It feels like we’re starting from the beginning, but the right way. Yay.

Penney Gets Traumatized

Poor Penney! We all know she’s a neurotic dog with special needs. Today she had a surprising episode that had us really worried.

This morning, the dogs were full of energy, so I took them out while I moved horses. I noticed Penney stayed up with Lee, which seemed odd. When I came back in, she was at the top of the stairs, whining. Huh.

Pretty soon we realized she wouldn’t come down. We called and called. She wouldn’t come. Visions of pee all over the upstairs passed through my mind. Lee went up to encourage her, with dog help, of course.

We wondered if she’d tripped going downstairs in the night. My idea is that she didn’t want to be near Gracie Lou. Gracie, the tough little farm dog, is always dominant over her, but for the most part, I assumed they were playing. Hmmm.

Lee said to wait and see if she’d come down on her own, so we waited a while and she was just standing there whining. Then I went up to encourage her in a very cheerful way. I got her to come down one step. Then dogs came up and she backed up. Sigh.

Then Lee went up and “encouraged” her to go down. Note that Gracie is on top of her.

The poor dear rushed down, and Gracie immediately jumped on her. Much peeing ensued. Poor Penney. I eventually got her outside where she trembled as she pooped. She’s a nervous wreck.

Gracie is gonna spend some time in her room today until we figure out what’s up. I’m sure it can be worked out. Lee still thinks she might have fallen. Poor dear.

You sure never know what’s next with dogs. Send Penney vibes of calming and safety. And hope she’ll come down after she goes back up. And…she’s back up and whining. Stay tuned.

Little Pool Update

We went to put a down payment on the Pool of Dreams. We also finalized the plan for how it will look. Very much unlike me, I changed my mind on the edging and spillway. I found something both earthy and shiny that just came in. It’s a lovely glazed tile.

I hope this goes through. Spending money on anything that doesn’t promise to make money makes Lee sick. I just feel like if I’m stuck at home forever it would be great to have fun.

We got a glass tile for where the water falls out of the hot tub, so it will be extra shiny. Everything else is either natural stone or something that looks like it.

The above shows the patio surface at left, the pool edge under the tile and at top the pool surface. I hope it will look natural and shiny both.

Well, that’s if we end up doing it for real. I don’t believe things are going to happen until I see them. There have been so many disappointments and broken promises lately that I find that easier. I can just enjoy the anticipation, though.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say: Poop Edition

Since moving here, I have found myself uttering phrases that the old Suna never would have come out with. Things like: Hey, I only sweated through two bras today!

With all these animals, of course the topic turns to what comes out of them. More than once I’ve had an in-depth discussion of what makes a healthy cow pie, and why it’s okay for them to have the runs at certain times of the year. So, yes, I’ve said, “Wow, that’s some fine looking cow dung!”

Today’s phrase I never would have thought I’d ever say is:

I really enjoy shoveling horse poop.

But, it’s true! I find myself looking forward to cleaning Apache’s pen while he and Drew eat their delicious food and supplements. It’s fun chasing all those stray horse apples, honestly. And it looks so great when you are done (which lasts approximately zero minutes to one hour, depending on horse digestion).

Hey, you just cleaned this, so I needed to make a new deposit. You’re welcome.

It sure makes it smell better, too. Of course, some poop shoveling is not fun. I put trying to clean the stock trailer in that category. It’s a really nice trailer with flooring that helps the animals stay steady on their feet. However, that flooring makes it very hard to remove poop, and let me tell you something, an animal placed in a trailer will poop, probably before you finish tying them up, or shut the door.

I went out this morning when it was “cooler” to finally tackle the trailer after Apache’s lesson a week ago. Wow, that was a frustrating job, but at least most is out. Obviously we need to pressure wash it, which will happen when we have a pressure washer that’s not stuck on one hose in the back yard.

And apparently, if you create an enclosure, equines will poop in it. I had left the “gate” to the round pen open so it could get mowed, and sure enough, Fiona ONLY pooped in there when she was out free ranging. That makes it fun for the human in the center working with the horse, or walking around with it.

Thank goodness, now that it’s mowed, the Fiona poop isn’t so obvious.

In good news, I went over to Sara’s and got the cones I forgot I owned (bought with the portable round pen and the other dressage accessories). I can now set up my circle much more accurately for our schooling practice.

They don’t have to be fancy cones to do the job. Here, they are up high so the grass can be cut.

Sounds like I have a fun weekend ahead of me, with poop shoveling as a feature, not a chore.

And feeding me, too. Don’t forget to feed me.

Why I Don’t Wear Shorts

What, a person in Texas who doesn’t wear shorts? Yep, that’s me. I do own some, but I rarely wear them. I’d started wearing them around the house, but after this morning, that’s a big “no” from now on.

She even wears long pants when she’s sleeping. Ask me how I know.

Today, as I was getting dressed, I said to myself that no one was going to see me from the waist down other than Lee, and I was going to change into riding breeches to ride the horse, so why not wear some shorts and let my legs get a little sun?

Less than a half hour later, I went upstairs to get more coffee (downstairs Keurig had kicked the dust). As I walked to the coffeemaker, I passed dogs. Right at that moment, Goldie, Penney, and I think Harvey started to tussle. Penney has been acting aggressive to Goldie. I guess I need Cesar Milan. Anyway, there was my poor leg, right in the middle of all those dogs.

I discovered that scratches from dog feet that are actively engaged in a fight are much worse than ones from playful dogs or accidental contact. It hurt like heck! Now, if I’d had my usual sturdy blue jeans on, I probably would have been scratched, but just a little. There, one reason why I don’t wear shorts.

The other main reason I don’t wear shorts is that here at the ole Hermits’ Rest Ranch, the ground is covered by things that bite or sting or worse. Having pants (and closed-toe shoes, which I sometimes omit to my chagrin) on helps me avoid things like:

Fire ants
Spiders
Ticks
Wasps
Bees
Mosquitoes
Hairy caterpillars (ow)
Leaping dachshunds
Stinging nettles (charmingly called Nettleleaf Noseburn)
Mesquite thorns
Christmas cholla (cactus)
Prickly pear
Spear grass (aptly named)
Poison ivy
Sunflowers (leaves and stems are quite prickly)
Burr clover
Buffalo bur (giant burs)
Prickly lettuce
Bindweed (Smilax)
Hay
Barbed wire
Rusty pieces of metal
Baling wire
Horse/donkey hooves
And more!

Yeah. Texas is so welcoming, isn’t it? So, when we get that swimming pool, you can bet I will keep some pants nearby if I am stepping off the patio! By the way, contract is signed and money getting deposited. The process has started!

Example from real life. Walking a horse around a fence with barbed wire.
If they veer too close, well, ow.

I’m not inclined to ride horses in shorts, and usually wear boots, too. That’s because I tend to do trail riding or riding around things on the property, and if a horse spooks or has a mind of its own about where it wants to go, you can end up rubbing a lot of branches, metal objects, cactus plants, and so on. First time I rode Apache I got a nice scar from a mesquite thorn.

I hope wherever you are, nothing bites, stings, scratches or pokes you today. That seems like a reasonable goal, doesn’t it?

Dogs. Yes. Dogs.

Having some anxiety stuff going on. It happens to the best of us. Here is how I feel.

Please enjoy these more normal dog photos.

Mentoring Is Scary

I’ve had more than one conversation on the topic of mentoring in the past couple of weeks, starting with the Lisa Eggerton talk they had at work. The general consensus is that “mentor” is rather off-putting for lots of people. When someone asks to be your mentor, you start to imagine having to have regular meetings on top of your already busy day, think of ways to build up this other person, and scariest of all, be wise at all costs! After all, you’re a mentor!

Penney is my mentor in reminding me I need to rest a LOT.

No one’s ever asked me to be a mentor, which makes sense, because I’m not a high-powered executive and haven’t been for a long time. In fact, my career path is headed in a pretty downward direction right now. But, does that mean I don’t mentor people? Nope, not at all.

The consensus among the women I’ve been talking to about mentoring is that it actually works better on an informal basis. When someone comes to you and tells you they’ve got a thorny problem to deal with and asks your advice, you’re mentoring them. And when a colleague gives you an insight into how you can do something better, that was being mentored. Not so scary. No one was under any (imagined) pressure to be wise and pithy, just to be helpful.

I guess the older chickens finally mentored the young ones about roosting, because they finally all sleep together.

Thinking back, most of my mentors didn’t set out to mentor me at all; they just lived their lives ethically, kindly, and insightfully. I just watched, listened, learned, and asked a few questions. I didn’t formally ask, “Will you be my mentor?” like we were going to go steady (or however they put it now). (Thanks to Doc, Georgia, Steve, Roberta, Hedy, Mike, and Craig, to name a few who may have no idea they were mentors.)

And now, I do find colleagues asking me questions, often in my managerial role, where I give them pointers and ideas for doing their jobs better. I think that’s the most important role of a people manager: to help people grow in their jobs, find work they enjoy, and be productive. So, yay, I’m a mentor, too.

Nothing to do with mentoring; I just liked this beetle’s antennae and how big an Alfred hair looks next to it. It’s a Southern Masked Chafer, a type of scarab beetle.

Sure, formal mentorship programs have their place, and there are some good ones where I work and in other workplaces. But, don’t think that you can’t serve as a mentor if you’re not a manager or if you’re “just” a friend. When we talk to each other, ask good questions, and really listen, we’ll find mentors everywhere we look!

Take advantage of your opportunities to both learn and teach others. It’s a good plan. Thanks to the coworkers who helped me think about this!

The Pool of Dreams

Now that my horse dream has come true, it would be good to have a way to cool off. Lee had authorized us to find a pool company, which I finally did, and the guy came to measure our space a while back. Finally, we got to go look at designs.

This is where the GPS took us. We were alarmed. The more pool-showroom-looking kinda place was the next building on the other side of the road. Whew.

You’ll not be seeing the first design, though it was nice. It had every possible high-end finish, two fire features and thousands of dollars worth of rocks. Lee was not pleased. So, we found other options and knocked a third of the cost off. It’s still really nice!

Other than the complete lack of shade, that’s darn nice. I like the patio space and the tanning ledge, which I will use after dark, no doubt. It will look very cool at night.

The hot tub has a waterfall, which gives a running water sound without building a giant rock waterfall. And I plan to put subdued tiles around it, to blend in with the rest of the house.

I guess I just like the colors of rocks and sand. The top one is the pool surface. Looks just like beach sand.

I’m very proud of myself for not choosing the shiniest option.

Secretly, I love the one on the right. It’s way shinier than it looks.

I know things change around here at a moment’s notice and we may have to pivot once again. But until then, I’m dreaming of this pool as I water the horses and splash it on myself to cool off.

That’s an imaginary pool house back there.