self confidence – The Hermits' Rest

Drama Averted

Let’s talk about how great I am. No, that’s boring. Let’s talk about how my confidence has improved in my horsemanship. (Because there’s still some progress to be made in other areas.)

One horse accomplishment that brings joy is that the younger horses have gotten much better at coming to the pens when I call them. (Dusty sees me at a distance and ambles over to “his spot” long before anyone else arrives—slow but steady wins the race.) The photo above shows them doing their “thundering herd” imitation right after I first called them. Aww.

This is from last week but sums up today.

We’re finally going camping again tomorrow, so I wanted to be sure to get one last riding session on Apache today. He wasn’t particularly “into” working, but he did his exercises and happily walked on the trail. It felt good.

That is, until I took him down to the creepy arroyo area. I’m glad I was paying attention, because I saw the water moccasin before he did. It was just sitting there, not doing anything. So I just asked Apache to halt and then turn around. We walked safely to a higher part of the field.

I’m proud of myself for not having any stronger reaction than “better turn around.” No drama from us! I’m guessing Apache eventually realized something was amiss because he started tossing his head and then tried to eat every bunch of silver bluestem he could find. Who knows? I’m only sort of good at figuring out what he’s trying to communicate after over a decade.

It’s gotten very dry, since recently the rains are missing us. So the horses would probably all stop to eat lovely green grass like the bluestem (a native). I was relieved to hear that we will be getting some nice hay shortly. No hay drama, either!

Learning, Learning, Learning, Persistently

Persistence! That’s what I’m practicing these days, and today was a good example of how it helps. Maybe I keep learning the same lessons over and over, but I keep at it!

Another day, more lessons. Lovely sunrise.

My first lesson in persistence was a work thing. There was an issue with my working hours, and I instantly assumed I was at fault. But, I didn’t give up as I once would have, and instead persisted in talking to my contacts, plowing through emails, and believing my own memory. I said I believed there had been an email saying I should work all week except Wednesday, and my contracting contact found it when I couldn’t. They were wrong; I was right. When will I learn to trust myself? At least I keep trying!

That’s supposed to be a picture of a timesheet.

All the patience and persistence I have had to put into my horsemanship journey is another area where I need to learn to trust myself. Today, my faithful partner Apache and I hit another new learning milestone and gained some understanding. We both have needed a lot of encouragement from Tarrin, but we’re making so much progress.

This was my example of him standing better when he stopped. But he rested his leg.

I learned to do some work on his poll (area between his ears, roughly) and to do some stretches for his hind end. He started out disliking it, but ended up so blissed out that we had to wait for him to get out of his trance. It was fascinating to learn how it all works.

And our riding partnership is finally where I’d wanted it to be. Riding is fun at last, not frustrating. Persistence! We can do more than just start, stop, walk, and trot. Yay! We CAN do subtle changes and go sideways and all that. We are slow, but we keep at it.

There’s nothing going to stop me from trusting myself to keep going until I succeed at things that matter to me. Other stuff? I’m just letting it fall to the side. That’s going to help with my mental health. Hmm. That sounds suspiciously like a goal. Do I do those? I’m setting my intentions, that’s it!

Challenges – Where to Start?

What are your biggest challenges?

The WordPress folks have a new set of prompts for this month, so I’ll try to answer them, for fun. The first one was about challenges. Oh what fun. I don’t have all night to spend on this topic!

What’s not a challenge is making New Year’s dinner. My black-eyed peas, collard greens, and cornbread came out delicious, for the four of us who could make it. We made plates to take to Lee’s brother and Anita, who came down with the flu, and have plenty of leftovers. Success!

So, my main challenge these days is a lack of self confidence, I think. I always think I can’t do new things, so I put them off or avoid things. Learning horsemanship has helped me a lot with this. I’m making myself try new things and I’m often succeeding or making a good try. I think this new bravery is manifesting in other areas, which is really great.

One I’m not doing as well with these days is expressing myself without offending people I care about or causing problems. So I’ve been much quieter for the past year or so than I used to be. These days it’s probably safer to keep some kinds of opinions to yourself but I do want to advocate for myself at work and in other personal areas.

I’m also tired of being vertically challenged. I wish I could reach things without stools and mount a horse from the ground. There, a less serious one.

A final challenge is figuring out when or if I can retire from full time work. There are too many factors for me to figure out right now. More on that in the coming months.

That’s enough of that list.

It was cold and windy, so there weren’t many birds. However, there was a brief moment of sun that encouraged the white-throated sparrows to launch into a concert. Their song is hauntingly beautiful. It has three or four slight variations, like a fugue. What a greeting for 2024!